I am no stranger to failure. I have failed big time before - career, marriage and countless other things. I work it out, I move on after recovering from the heartbreak. That's what we do.
And then I found something that I thought that I couldn't fail at: fostering cats (and a few dogs) and finding homes for them so that they never had to go back to a cage. Sometimes they would stay a week, sometimes a month, sometimes several months. I found an amazing couple who adopted two 13 year old cats after only being in foster with me for three days. The only cat that I had who didn't get adopted was a hospice- she was given a week to live. She lived 6 months.
I only "failed" at fostering once out of the many times that I fostered. It was three years ago, when I brought my Harley home for a break from confinement in a cage that he had been in for five months straight. No one looked at him. He was about two, a big bruiser who did not like to be held or patted. He had been abused, and he ducked when you tried to pet him like you were going to hit him- for the first 6 months that I had him. He purred when I took him home- the only time that he purred for almost three years. Since he was young and healthy (or so I thought), I went to bring him back for adoption hours three days later. I put him in the cage, and I thought my heart would break. My Louis looked at me like, "What are you doing? Why bring him back?" So I became a "foster failure", and I kept him. I don't usually take young cats and would never think about adopting a young, healthy cat because they are easy to place. Turns out that Harley has an autoimmune disease, so I guess that it was just meant to be.
And then I took in Shadow, a 15 year old black cat with a skin infection on her lip that looks like a big, contagious sore. She cried and cried in her cage, and after a while, I couldn't take it and I took her home to foster. She has so happy. She purred all of the time. Her lip got better. I loved her right away.
After about a week, I tried to introduce her to one of my cats. It didn't go well. I tried several times, but she violently attacked my cats repeatedly. Harley narrowly missed having his eyeball scratched and was reduced to a shivering crying lump, as opposed to the bully that he normally is. Ollie was scared to come upstairs. Louis howled outside her door. No matter what I did, she just didn't like other cats. Who could blame her- she's 15 and has never lived with other animals before. Three is a lot!!
For the last several weeks, I tried everything that I could to get her fostered or adopted. I emailed people who had adopted older cats to see if they had friends. I emailed fosters. I posted on Facebook and on the shelter list repeatedly to network her. And, through a kind volunteer, I found along term foster. But the shelter director denied the foster, saying that it was too far in the event that she needed to go to their vet. Big deal- the foster could drive her.
Not only did the foster get turned down, but I was told that I had to bring her from her lovely room in my house back to the shelter. ASAP. The decision was made that she wouldn't get adopted at my house, and she needed to be back on the floor so people could see her- because SO MANY PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR A 15 YEAR OLD BLACK CAT WITH A BUSTED LIP.
So, tonight, I brought her back. I cried half of the day, sobbed at the wheel when I got in the car with her, and had to email someone in advance to take her back because I couldn't stand to put her back there. We said our goodbyes, and I wish that she gets a miracle asap. I hope that I am wrong and that she gets adopted super fast.
This is the first time that I have ever had a cat come into my house and return to the shelter. I failed her. AND.IT.FEELS.AWFUL. Why couldn't I find someone? Why couldn't anyone else? Why couldn't someone who doesn't have any pets (and they are out there, even on my shelter's volunteer list) volunteer to foster or adopt? She's low maintenance and full of love. She plays laser. She likes catnip and treats. She talks. She's AMAZING. If she liked other animals, I would have adopted her.
Now, I can't stop thinking about her. And about the MRI that I had about two weeks ago on my shoulder. I am VERY claustrophobic, and when the technician told me that I would be in there for 15 minutes, I started to hyperventilate. I look up and my head was in a tube. No window, and I couldn't move. I told the technician that I couldn't make it. He said to tilt my head back and that I could see that I was at the end and could look out the window. So I made it.
But what about Shadow? And all of the other cats in small cages? My shelter's cages are clean and the cats are well cared for and safe. But to go from a home to that for months at a time? It's unbearable to think about.
Please spread the word about Shadow. Maybe you know someone who is retired and likes sweet cats? Maybe someone who is older and knows what it's like to feel discarded and doesn't want a fate like that for an older cat?
Sign up to foster. Kittens need fosters, but so do older and sick cats. And network. It doesn't cost anything.
That's what you can do.
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